Christmas Spirit

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Comfort and Joy

Excerpted from Gifts From The Heart
by Virginia Brucker, who kindly granted us permission to publish this article.

For more information about this book, visit the author's web site.

Christmas and Grieving

When someone we love dies, holidays can be very painful. Reaching out to a friend or relative who has experienced a loss recently may be the best gift you give this year. Make a special point of visiting over the holidays. Bake some cookies and stop by for coffee-give lots of hugs. If you are trying to deal with loss, the following suggestions may help:

• Balance your family's needs with your own. Have a meeting to discuss what you would really like to do, as well as what you would prefer not to do, this year.



• Begin a new tradition or ritual that is meaningful for you such as lighting a special candle in memory of your loved one.



• Share your feelings with a friend or relative who is a good listener.



• Accept the help that is offered. If a good friend offers to help with baking, cleaning, or shopping or offers to look after your kids for an afternoon, let them help.



• Spend time with people who restore your spirits. This may be the year for a Christmas trip if you can afford it. If not, you may want to plan to visit friends or relatives on Christmas Day.



• After an emotional crisis, you'll be tired and need more "down time" over the holidays. Choose to do a few things that are really important, and let the others go this year. Skip sending cards or buy your baking if you wish. Give yourself permission to do less.



• If you have young children, use some of your vacation time to spend with them over the holidays this year; they will need your loving attention. If you can't arrange time off, perhaps grandma and grandpa, an aunt and uncle or a friend can spend some extra time with your kids.



• You may wish to have Christmas dinner at another family member's, a friend's house, or a restaurant. If you are staying at home, you may want to make small changes such as using a different tablecloth or dishes, changing the time of the meal or serving a buffet rather than a sit down meal.



• Try hard to do something for someone else this year. Help at a food bank, serve a meal to the homeless or pick out a toy for a needy child. It will help fill the void.



• If you can afford to, give a donation in memory of your loved one to a cause that would be meaningful for them.



• Select an ornament for each of your children or grandchildren that represents something special about your loved one.



• When a much-loved teaching assistant died in our school district, her friends and colleagues decorated a tree for her teenaged daughter. Each person brought an angel ornament and read aloud a message about her mom as they placed their ornament on the tree. The messages were placed in an album for her daughter to read and re-read later on. The following December a candlelight walk was held in her memory. What a memorable tribute to a special person!



• Did you know you can name a star? You can, and it can cost as little as $50. Contact the closest planetarium to inquire about naming a star. (The Pacific Space Centre in Vancouver has a great program.) You may want to give one to your own children or grandchildren or to the family of a special friend. You might send a special card with an angel on it. Inside the card you could write, "Stars are the windows where angels peek through."

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